


This Fool, This Liar (Lit a Match And Set His Life On Fire)

by DarkWarriorProgram (KoolKat_SuperStar_DareDevil)



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, Awakening Era Anders (Dragon Age), Blood Mage Anders, Dragon Age II Anders, How Do I Tag, Rogue Hawke (Dragon Age), Seriously how do i tag, Warrior Aeducan (Dragon Age), cuz I never know what to put, no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 19:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16435142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoolKat_SuperStar_DareDevil/pseuds/DarkWarriorProgram
Summary: Written for this prompt on the kinkmeme:Since you can make Anders a blood mage in Awakening...Anders was a blood mage during his time with the Warden Commander, but stopped after joining with Justice/when it was no longer necessary to survive deep roads, creepy marshes and murder elf forests/when it got dangerous/any other reason. Obviously, he doesn't tell people he used to be a blood mage, and maybe hates on them extra hard to hide his past....... until Nathaniel Howe complains that the darkspawn fight could have been won much faster if Anders has used his blood magic, and for a second Anders wants to use it one more time just to do something exceedingly nasty to Nathaniel.What would Hawke do? Sebastian? Fenris?? MERRILL??(I love Anders and want him to be surrounded with kittens and hugs but give him hell here please)





	This Fool, This Liar (Lit a Match And Set His Life On Fire)

**Author's Note:**

> In this I’m going to use my Dwarf Noble hero, Terra; dual-wielding warrior with Champion, Templar, and Reaver. Anders was given Arcane Warrior and Blood Mage; Nathaniel had Shadow, Assassin and Ranger; Velanna had Keeper, Battlemage and Spirit Healer; Justice had Spirit Warrior, Guardian and Champion; Sigrun had Legionnaire Scout, Assassin, Duelist. I told Oghren to take a hike in Origins and in Awakening told him the same thing. During Origins she sided with the Werewolves, and was forced to kill her brother when he attacked her for not giving him the throne of Orzammar, and sided with the Mages. The Landsmeet ended with Anora being made Queen and Logain being made a Warden, later sacrificing his life to slay the Archdemon. If you want to know more the link to the World State is here: https://dragonagekeep.com/en_US/iss/?worldState=030011010132002110113

It had been years since he last saw the man in front of him. But whatever happiness he’d felt was replaced with rage and dread by only a few words. _“Why didn’t you use your blood magic?”_ Seven words that made him wish the ground would swallow him up. Anders briefly wanted to use it one last time to make Nathaniel’s blood boil a bit for his treachery.

~~~~

_A Grey Warden. He was a Grey Warden. After seven escapes and almost twenty years, he was finally free of the Templars; all thanks to the Hero of Ferelden. The Hero of Ferelden wasn’t what he expected. The dwarf with short, dark brown hair standing in front of him seemed nothing like the stories he’d heard over the last year since Ostagar fell and the Fifth Blight began. The stories made her seem larger than life but here she looking him in the eye, looking up at him actually, as if he was her equal with no trace of the disgust or hate in her bright green eyes that would have been present in anyone else’s._

_Vigil’s Keep had definitely seen better days, but the Darkspawn were driven out of the keep for the moment. It wasn’t until she conscripted a would-be assassin that Anders started to question her sanity, particularly when her response was ‘some of my best friends have tried to kill me’ with a smile on her face._

~~~~

“Fight would’ve been over a lot quicker if you had used it,” Nathaniel grumbled. “Wouldn’t even have been a fight. Usually you would just make the things explode.”  
“Blood magic?” Hawke asked confused. “What’s he talking about?” Anders turned his head to the side, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

~~~~

 _“Are you serious? You want me to learn_ ** _Blood Magic_** _?” Anders was shocked at what the Warden-Commander said. “If anyone found out, I’d be executed on the spot!”_  
_“Wardens are outside of the Chantry’s jurisdiction. They can’t do anything about it anymore. As a Grey Warden your blood itself can also be a weapon with the right training.” That got his attention. His blood could be a weapon? It seemed impossible but his curiosity got the better of him._  
_“And I suppose you know how to do that?”  
__“Of course,” Warden-Commander Terra Aeducan smiled. “It’s also particularly effective against Darkspawn. Plus Wardens don’t care if you use Blood Magic, our job is to destroy the Darkspawn at all costs.” He thought for a moment. They would be running into a lot of Darkspawn, and if what she said was true there wasn’t any risk of him being killed for it._

_He agreed._

~~~~

Anders was never proud of that fact. No, that was a lie. At one point he was proud of what he could do, a lifetime ago. That didn’t stop the coil of shame at giving in though.  
“Anders. What. Is. He. Talking. About?” Hawke bit out. Anders would have been happy to never answer that question.

He didn’t have to anyway.

Nathaniel did it for him.

“Didn’t you know he’s a Blood Mage?” Anders could practically hear the smirk in Nathaniel’s voice. As much as he wanted to stay silent, he knew it would only make things worse.  
“That was a long time ago,” Anders’ voice was low. Hawke was the first one to recover.  
“So all your talk of Blood Magic being evil. Convenient lies?” Hawke’s voice held a venom to it that was normally reserved for those who threatened his family. “All your talk of demons and corruption. When this whole time...” Hawke’s fists clenched at his sides. Anders opened his mouth to say something, anything, only to be slammed into the cave wall beside him, the force pushing all the air out of his lungs and making his vision blurr.  
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t rip your heart out right now.” The distinct shape of Fenris stood in front of him, lyrium beginning to glow a menacing blue.  
“Fenris.” The elf’s name was said in a tone that made it sound like a command. The elf growled lowly, and reluctantly released the mage. Anders looked over at Hawke, attempting to meet his eyes only to be met with a glare as hard and cold as his daggers. Silence passed between them for what felt like forever.  
“Well. I’m waiting.” Hawke crossed his arms over his chest, shifting his weight slightly to one side. Anders swallowed around the lump in his throat and took a slightly shaky breath.  
“I promise I’ll explain everything, but right now we need to get out of here. I sense more Darkspawn coming.”  
“How many,” Nathaniel asked, purely out of habit.

~~~~

 _“How many?”_  
_“Two dozen Genlocks; 3 Hurlocks and an Emissary.”_  
_“Amazing.” The Warden-Commander looked at him awed. “You have quite the gift there.”_  
_“Gift?” Anders looked at her confused.  
_ _“You can sense the exact amount of Darkspawn, and even distinguish their types. I haven’t met anyone else who can do that.” The dwarf smiled at him with a mix of surprise and happiness. “Now let’s go see if you’re right.”_

_He’d been dead-on._

_When Warden-Commander Aeducan turned around it was hard to miss the pride in her eyes as she looked at him. Pride that, for once, was directed at him._

~~~~

It was all too soon that they stepped out of the Deep Roads and onto the surface. Any other time Anders would have been glad to be out. Nathaniel thanked them for their help and walked away, leaving Anders to deal with the fallout alone.  
“Alright. No more stalling Anders.” He took a breath and opened his mouth to start speaking when he realized he didn’t know how to start. How could he even begin to explain?  
“It was a long time ago,” he repeated, unable to think of something else to say.  
“So you’ve said,” Fenris sneered.  
“At the time it was necessary…”  
“‘Necessary’ he says! You go on about how not all mages are like the magisters, and yet here you stand, no different than they are!” Fenris seethed anger and the lyrium glowed bright even without being activated.  
“I thought you were a bit of a hypocrite before,” Merrill’s voice was soft, but that only seemed to make it louder. “All this time you criticize me for being a Blood Mage when you’re one also!” Her voice grew in strength as she spoke until she was almost yelling.  
“I think that qualifies me as the only one who **can** judge you.”  
“So you’re allowed to deal with demons but when I do I’m being stupid?!”  
“I never made a deal with a demon.”  
Hawke stomped toward Anders until he was standing in front of him.  
“There’s no point in trying to deny it, Anders,” Hawke shouted.  
“I’m not. I never made a deal with a demon. I learned Blood Magic from a dwarven warrior princess who learned the theory of how to use it from a book.” As soon as the words left his mouth he realized how ridiculous it sounded. “The Commander was very adamant about not dealing with demons.”  
“Wait, your Commander taught you Blood Magic?” Hawke’s anger took a backseat as confusion took over. “Why would the Wardens teach you Blood Magic anyway?” Anders knew the question would come up eventually.  
“Because of the taint.” The mage dropped his gaze to the back of his hands briefly. “It makes Blood Magic more effective against Darkspawn.” And just like that the dam burst. “The Deep Roads here have nothing on the ones that surrounded Amaranthine. Back in Amaranthine the Darkspawn were intelligent. They had battle tactics, strategies, some could even speak. And there were hundreds of them.” Images flashed through his mind of the swarms they would come in; of fire, lightning, and ice shooting everywhere; of Nathaniel, Sigrun, Velanna, and Aeducan dying beneath him and his mana depleted; of making enemies explode in a shower of blood as they surrounded Justice; of the way the others looked at him with pride because of his abilities. “The wardens of Ferelden were all but completely wiped out. There was only a handful of us, and it was our job to clean up the Darkspawn left from the Blight. At first it was just the two of us, the Commander and I.” Anders walked a bit away from the group and looked out into the forest. “She spent almost 2 weeks after I joined getting me to increase the power of my spells; teaching me to use different techniques.” He turned back toward the other three as he continued. “She wanted me to learn a little bit of everything, and I could decide what I liked best.” He eyed the large sword Fenris carried and made a split-second decision. “Can I see that for a moment?” Fenris glared at the mage wearily, glancing at Hawke who gave a small nod, before cautiously passing it to him. Anders leaned his staff up against a tree and walked a bit further away. “Since it was only the two of us, I had to be able to get myself out of trouble.” He picked up the sword in an effortless manner similar to how its owner did. “One of my favorites was learning how to channel my magic into physical strength.” Anders swung the sword in an arc in front of him. “And learning how to channel magic into any weapon was useful.” He demonstrated by swinging the sword again, casting a cone of cold as he did. “When she brought up Blood Magic I thought she was crazy. She told me that Wardens don’t fall under the same rules.” The blonde swung the sword a few more times, before walking back and returning it to Fenris. “I let her teach me because I didn’t want to disappoint her. I never planned on using it, so if learning how made her happy I didn’t see the harm.”  
“Then why did you?” Hawke tilted his head to one side while both elves stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.  
“I did it because the Commander would have died other wise. Having only two people against an entire army meant we were outnumbered all the time. She’d taken a nasty blow that hit an artery. The fight only just finished and my mana was mostly gone.” After returning the sword, Anders had begun to pace around the small clearing where they were gathered. “I didn’t know what else to do. I knew I could use my life force, my blood, in place of my mana. So I did. I managed to heal the wound enough that she wasn’t in any immediate danger anymore…” He shook his head as if it could change the past. “I swore I’d never use it again… not unless I had too… but after that… it got easier… if I needed more mana than I had I’d substitute my blood.” The sentences came out in fragments as things he’d bottled up spilled over. “A spell here or there… only it kept getting easier… but we were fighting for our lives and the lives of everyone in Amaranthine… the end justified the means... or so I thought.”

~~~~

 _Nathaniel was the first addition, turning their two into a group of three. The first time he saw Anders use Blood Magic was when he was surrounded and their Commander was busy with her own group of Darkspawn, unable to help him. Anders didn’t even have think about it before dragging his palm against one of the spikes rimming the top of the staff. All at once the Darkspawn surrounding the archer shrieked as they boiled from the inside out before exploding in a shower of blood.  
_ _“Normally I’d kill Blood Mages, but in this case I’m not going to complain since it did just save my life. And it’s not like I’m one to talk about using unsavory tactics. Just make sure to aim it at the Darkspawn and not me,” Nathaniel called to Anders, arrows flying to the group around Aeducan._

 _Next to join them was Velanna. The Dalish elf was abrasive at best and vicious at worst, but Anders enjoyed having another mage around regardless. At first it seemed she couldn’t have wanted less to do with them. It was after the Warden-Commander got them out of the silverite mine that things began looking up. The camp was silent as everyone sat around the crackling fire._  
_“How did you do that,” Velanna asked suddenly, looking at the other mage. He was surprised she was talking to him willingly._  
_“Me?”_  
_“Yes, you. How did you do that; back in the mine.”_  
_“You’ll have to be more specific, I’m not sure what you’re referring to.” Anders braced himself for the yelling about using Blood Magic that he was sure was coming. The elf had watched him make Darkspawn explode and use his blood to fuel fireballs, lighting and arcane bolts._  
_“I could feel my wounds closing, even before I noticed them. And I saw the same happening to them as well,” she gestured toward Aeducan and Nathaniel. “How did you do that? I’ve never seen anything like it.”_  
_“That? Uh, I’m a Spirit Healer. It’s just… what I do.”_  
_“I’ve never heard of Spirit Healers.”_  
_“They’re kind of rare, so that’s not surprising.”_  
_“Is it a difficult magic to learn? It that why they’re rare,” the elf was genuinely curious about his magic, which was also rare. Being a Spirit Healer had saved him from being killed in the Circle, but it didn’t make him any friends._  
_“No, it’s not difficult, at least no more so than any other magic. Spirit Healers are rare because not just anyone_ **_can_ ** _learn it. A lot of Spirit Healing is natural affinity, even if you can learn it, finding someone to teach you is difficult if you haven’t shown a talent for it.”_  
_“Why would someone not teach this ability? Healing is always in demand, even among the Dalish. What purpose does denying teaching one to heal serve?”_  
_“I wish I knew the answer to that,” Anders sighed._  
_“Would- would it be possible for you to teach me?” That question shocked the blonde.  
__“I- Yeah, I could try. I’m not sure how good a teacher I’ll be though.”_

 _Justice was the next addition to their group. The spirit hadn’t been thrilled about his use of Blood Magic, but conceded that it was useful at times; even though he didn’t like it. Justice was more focused on the perceived responsibility Anders had to other mages._  
_“You have seen oppression and now you are free. You must act to free those who remain oppressed.”_  
_“Or I could mind my business, in case the Chantry comes knocking.”_  
_“But it is not right. You have an obligation.”_  
_“Yes, well… welcome to the world, spirit.”_  
_“What does that mean?” Anders sighed as he prepared to try and explain it to him._  
_“It’s… It’s like Blood Magic. You don’t like it, right?”_  
_“That is correct. But I have already agreed that it can useful.”_  
_“That’s not what I’m getting at. You don’t like it, but you can’t change it.”_  
_“But if you took action it wouldn’t exist.”  
_ _“Justice, I’m everything the Chantry fears about mages. They use people like as a reason to lock up everyone. I would do harm than good…”_

 _Sigrun was the last to join their ranks. As a member of the dwarves Legion of the Dead she had never seen magic except what little Emissaries could do. She was fascinated with everything he and Velanna could do, from things as simple as an arcane bolt to more complex spells like fireballs and chain lightning. And she was absolutely enamored with Anders’ Blood Magic._  
_“So all you do is bleed and you can make the Darkspawn explode? That’s so cool!”_  
_“You’re not going to say anything about the fact it’s Blood Magic?”  
_ _“Magic is magic. If it helps us, why should I complain? I don’t see the point in complaining about something if it means I’m alive to complain about it.”_

_~~~~_

“It wasn’t until everything was over and the Commander was called to Weisshaupt that it really sunk in.”  
“That what sunk in,” Hawke asked.  
“What I’d done… What I’d become… After I joined with Justice I swore I would never use it again.” Anders gave a short, humorless laugh. “Not having Darkspawn trying to kill you all the time made it easier…”  
“That’s it? No excuses for what you’d done,” Fenris snarled at the healer.  
“I’m not going to make excuses. I know what I did, and no amount of excuses could justify it.” The elven warrior hadn’t been expecting that answer and seemed shocked that he didn’t attempt to defend himself. The silence seemed to stretch on forever, no one knowing what to say, but it only lasted for a few moments.  
“I’m heading back. I want to get back to Kirkwall before it gets dark,” Hawke didn’t bother to wait to a reply from the rest of them and started walking back, Fenris and Merrill following shortly after. Anders stood unmoving and watched them leave, none of them caring if he was coming or not.  
“Stayed to watch the show,” the blonde called after he could no longer see the others.  
“You know I’m going to have to tell the Commander I ran into you,” Nathaniel stated as he stepped out of the shadows that concealed him.  
“There was only so long I could hide anyway…” Nathaniel turned to start making his way back to Vigil’s Keep. He looked over his shoulder at Anders and said one last thing before actually leaving.  
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about what happened here.”  
Anders sighed, grabbed his staff from against the tree and began making his own way back to Kirkwall.  
  


News of what happened in the Deep Roads had spread fast among their group. When he showed up for their weekly card night a few days later Hawke hadn’t been able to look at him. The tense and awkward atmosphere didn’t go away during the following week, or the one after, or the one after that. A month after the incident in the Deep Roads, Anders had been running late due to an emergency at the clinic. When he reached the Hanged Man the sound of laughter and voices came from the other side of the doorway. Without a word he silently walked back down the stairs and back to the clinic.

_He never did try to go the next week._

The awkwardness didn’t stop with just the card games. After they ran into Nathaniel, Hawke had asked Anders to accompany him on whatever he was doing the same as always. Slowly he was asked to go less and less often. It was three days after the card night he’d left the Hanged Man that he ran into Hawke while getting herbs for the clinic. He’d asked if Anders would be up for accompanying him to Sundermount in the next few days. The blonde had agreed saying he could gather more herbs to stock up the clinic while they were there.

_He ended up going alone two weeks later when the herbs ran out._

Anders began staying in the clinic more and more, rarely going out except for herbs. Most of the people in their circle of friends never visited him. There were only a few people who were the exceptions. Slowly the time between Hawke’s weekly visits grew longer and longer until he stopped coming at all, Varric doing the same after a while. Surprisingly, it was Isabela who continued to visit him the longest, but eventually even she stopped going to see the healer.

_He began working himself into exhaustion every day._

It was six months after they met Nathaniel in the Deep Roads that Anders realized Kirkwall had nothing for him anymore. The healer wrote out instructions on how to make the poultices and potions he used, what they’re used for, where to find each herb, and left the small book on the desk before leaving in the dead of night; a single word on a scrap of paper left for his companions for whenever they decided to go to the clinic.

It would be a week before Varric got word that the healer left and hasn’t returned, fearing the worst everyone in their group of friends would scour the city and surrounding areas looking for any sign of the mage. When none is found they’ll break into where his clinic used to be, upon entering the clinic all of his friends would take in the emptiness of the room and staleness of the air before turning their attention to the scrap of paper with a single word.

**_Goodbye_ **

**Author's Note:**

> This... ended up being a lot longer than I originally planned... I wasn't even going to get into Vigil's Keep and Awakening, just have some silly/(possibly) slightly angsty 'Anders you're a fucking hypocrite' scene that would be a few paragraphs long. NOPE! THIS is what happened, because apparently I don't do short writing. THIS IS 300% THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I MEANT TO DO! 
> 
> I know I have other stories that I should be working on, but I was surfing looking for something to read on the kinkmeme when I spotted this, and my brain just couldn't leave it alone. I also saw another one that I want to do, and I swear I'm going to finish Dimensional Displacement and Fragmented Continuum one of these days... That day apparently just isn't today... I've got the next chapter for both of them almost done, so hopefully it won't be much longer until those are posted. The thing about being a writer is that it's really hard to write something that isn't awful when you don't have the inspiration for that specific story.


End file.
